Sometimes we lose things we didn’t even know we had or forgot about, only to realize later the true value of these buried treasures. That’s been happening in my life a lot lately and I know it’s not by chance, it’s all God’s perfect timing. He knows I have that crushingly painful feeling of grief that never goes away; that unwelcome guest that can somehow exist right alongside joy. I have learned through my bereavement journey so far that grief and joy are inseparable. This morning, I was looking through all of my folders on the laptop for a Word document and stumbled across one of those buried treasures. There was a video folder that seemed to be out of place and I had no idea what it was so I clicked on it and was totally speechless, my heart overflowing with joy and grief. It was a video from Connor’s Make-a-Wish trip to San Diego that we never saw. We had no idea it existed. Somehow, this precious gift that had been there since February of 2018 (more than two years ago) made it’s way into my life today.
Recently, our neighbor’s grandkids were here visiting from out of state. The younger boy reminded me so much of Connor. He was 4 years old; a sweet, outgoing, fearless little trouble-maker, just like Connor. 🙂 He looked a lot like him too and he wanted to ride a bike but he didn’t bring one. They were going to buy one for him in the next few days but we could all sense a meltdown of epic proportions coming. He wanted a bike now and he wanted it NOW! I told the neighbors I would look in the garage and see if we had a scooter or something he could use until they got him a bike. I couldn’t find Connor’s Spiderman scooter to save my life, but while I was looking for it, I found Jake’s old Tonka bike which became Connor’s bike. Tom quickly went to work on airing up the tires and cleaning it up. It was the perfect size for the little boy and made us so happy to see it being used and enjoyed!
A few weeks ago, Jake was looking for something in the garage and found two photo booth pictures of Connor and I that I had totally forgotten about. They were from a friend’s birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese and brought back so many fun memories! I could go on and on and on; the single giant sunflower growing in the corner of Connor’s garden that we didn’t plant, the toy that fell out of a tear on the bottom of the old couch when it got moved recently (Connor dropped countless toys in that tear in the couch over the years), the little red ball that Connor lovingly hid in my sock drawer years ago that I have never moved to this day because I love being reminded of him at that age, or the toy camera I found when going through boxes that he used to follow me around with and say “Cheeeeeese!” while making his best cheesy face!
Oh how I adore these buried treasures…